The Tooth Fairy

What if the Tooth Fairy
Wed the monster under the bed?
I listened to rumors
and that's what they said
And Santa Claus was dating
The thing in your basement?
When I heard this, I stared in amazement

They said Father Time and
Mother Nature got a divorce
The next thing that they did,
They had no remorse
For their poor Baby New Year
Was left and adopted
I hope to find, it's false and concocted

It's all a big soap opera
It's all a big play
It's there for amusement
Hear it every day
We keep it from children
We watch what we say
We tell the old stories
That were yesterday's

The next thing I knew was
Easter Bunny, he had resigned
Position was posted
But bunnies declined
No more colored eggs these days
Painted pretty for kids
That holiday's, screwed in so many ways

It soon got much weirder
As seasons and rumors flew by
That Krampus and Jack Frost
Soon joined CSI
They jailed Cupid and Bigfoot
Owing taxes and fines
The IRS imprisoned them for life

It's all bad messed up folk lore
We hear what they say
We gasp in amazement
At what it portrays
The things that are changing
The myths are astray
The truths of the stories
Are in disarray

The next thing I heard was
Leprechauns gave up all their gold
Soon rainbows all faded
That's what I was told
Next, they took back their good luck
It will never return
Then took shamrocks, turned them all into ferns

It's all a big soap opera
The rumors today
The stories they're telling
Just give me dismay
They're acting all crazy
Their legends betrayed
I wish that this problem
Would just go away

It's all a big soap opera
The rumors today
It seems like the legends
No longer obey
They've changed all their stories
Wrecked their holidays
I hope that this problem
Will soon go away

The rumors today
The rumors today

The rumors today